Stone Monkey Studios
Being something of scientists ourselves, we have found it very important to research and preserve the long and storied history of Stone Monkey Studios. We come from a long line of influential primates that have shaped the course of the world for millenia. Here we have lovingly preserved what we know of our origins, all towards a brighter, more entertaining dystopian future.
These days, Stone Monkey Studios works on modern video games. We've released a number of games across multiple platforms, and worked on countless other unreleased projects. In addition, we've done contract work for companies such as Disney and NASA.
The Stone Monkeys playing Doom for the first time.
1990s - Foray into Games
Inspired by the visionary work of the geniuses at Id Software and probably others, the Monkeys turned their attention to the Personal Computer as a home entertainment device. They were hooked on the idea of creating works of art for this new and exciting industry. Since then, they have released a thoroughly countable number of games, loving every minute.
1970s-80s - Computer Pioneers
By the 1970s, Stone Monkey Studios was looking for a new venture. Late in the decade, they heard tale of some folks out in California that had built something called a 'Personal Computer'. When they first got their hands on one at a trade show, they knew this would change the world. They brought one home from the show and instantly began the laborious process of learning how to program one.
Their efforts paid off, however, and by the mid 80s they were a booming software company, with customers in the dozens, and enough funds to do whatever their hearts desired, as long as their hearts desired to work a normal job in a cubicle or something.
A bunch of monkeys not tearing apart sensitive hardware.
Adorable monkeys who were probably all cheating on their wives.
1950s - Ads Incorporated
After modern labor laws made most of Stone Monkey Studios' business practices illegal, they had to make a fast pivot. As it turns out, that pivot would be in a most unlikely space. Ever the trend-followers, the monkeys made their way into that forever-popular 1950s business space: Advertising. For the following decades, they would shill for literally everything they could. Notable campaigns include 'Cigarettes are Safe, Kids', and 'Mommy needs a drink', both of which increased vice sales significantly around the country.
Turn of the 20th Century
By the late 1800s, the monkey's textile business had dominated the market for over a century. They were at the forefront of cutting edge technology, employing everything from the autoloom to child labor. Profits soared to the highest heights, with the board of directors seeing enough profit to buy as many politicians as they liked. Unfortunately, all would soon come crashing down due to that rabble-rouser Teddy Roosevelt...
Men, women, and children were equals on the factory floor.
Monkey Business, Pickles Monkeydale. Oil on canvas c. 1775
1770s - A Brave New World
The ever-intrepid monkeys were some of the first colonists in the New World to sign contractual independence papers, forever separating the company in twain. Old-World Stone Monkey presumably went on to have its own further illustrious history, but the path to the modern day monkeys passes directly through this bunch.
They took their profits and invested in a new venture, more representative of their anti-tea stances: Textiles for the common monkey.
1600s - Imperial Britain
By the mid 17th century, the monkey dynasty reached the peak of its' power in Europe. With a board member as personal financial advisor to the king, Stone Monkey Tea Company flourished. The monkeys commanded a vast fleet of ships at their height, dominating trade routes with delightful antics. For centuries, the only rival corporation that could even compete was the crown itself. The glorious profits would last centuries.
Lord Simon Monkiton III
Completely authentic DaVinci sketch.
As one of the wealthiest cartels in Florence, the Stone DeMonkey family were regarded as some of the greatest patrons of the arts in the city. This sketch was found in one of DaVinci's notebooks, and is thought to be one of the DeMonkeys writing a contract for the import/export of legal goods.
The Rennaissance was a time of great prosperity to the family, remembered for their contributions to not only the arts, but philosophy, religion, science, and entertainment. Little is known about the secretive family themselves, but their legacy has lasted generations.
The Stone Monkeys appear in a wide variety of texts and artwork across the middle ages. At the time, it appears they were largely a not-so-secret fellowship of like-minded individuals. Notable members include William Chimpspeare, Monkey Chaucer, and Thomas Apequinas.
Together they brought europe out of the dark ages and into the light of culture, broadening perspectives, and vast profits.
A group of Stone Monkeys debating feudalism's pros and cons,
A group of monkeys definitely not plotting any revolts.
Little is known about the Stone Monkeys during much of the 1st Millenia. There seems to pass at minimum myths and legends about their whereabouts for long centuries. The fires of persecution were stoked against them, so it's no wonder. For a time, their existence as a faction was seen as threatening to the stability of the continent, and thus they were outlawed from gatherings. Of course, like any good monkey, their shenanigans persisted quietly, hushed in dark corners, with the solemn hope that they would one day emerge as a great power.
The Lapis Simia was a vast and influential group throughout the Roman Empire. They were tasked largely with governing outlying Roman territories, but their influence in the Senate was powerful. They are rumored to have had a hand in many notable events throughout the history of the empire, most notable being implicated in the plot to assassinate Julius Caesar, a clear falsehood.
Incidentally the Lapis Simia prospered under the new regime, becoming wealthy beyond the dreams of any average simian. As with the rest of Rome, their prosperity would only last so long...
Lapis Simia debate in the senate, c 200 BCE
The Uqūpu Standard was discovered on a dig site in 1879 in the south of modern day Iraq. It is believed to depict a group of monkeys engaging in a formal business discussion. What was discussed is unknown: perhaps it was a discussion of grain taxes, or perhaps this was a an ancient subcontractor bid meeting for the building of a great Ziggurat.
Whatever this standard depicts is clearly a case of the Stone Monkey cabal exerting their influence upon the great Babylonian empire, surely to be handsomely rewarded with buckets of Mesopotamian cash.
Around the world there appear great monolithic carvings depicting trade amongst primates. Regardless of location, it appears that the monkeys were influential in culture even then. While we have little knowledge of the peoples that created these great works, clearly they were crucial in the transition from pre-history to history. Some anthropologists suggest that these cultures may have gone so far as to deify the monkeys, adorning them with colorful regalia and elevating them to positions of status in their tribes.
Monolithic carving of two monkeys sealing a business arrangement.
Neolithic figurine of a monkey with what scholars widely believe to be a briefcase.
Little is truly known about this period of our history. We have only trinkets left behind by Neolithic tribes. One such trinket, discovered on an expedition in 1920, represents our first ever depiction of a monkey engaging in business. We know not who the monkey engaged with, but it is now clear that he is holding a primitive briefcase.
While a briefcase at the time was without such luxury as lock or hinge, we are nearly certain that primates at the time would have had stitching and rudimentary buttons to protect sensitive monkey business.
Discovered in Spain in 1951, these cave paintings are the oldest we humans have every found. The paintings depict monkeys engaging in an elaborate dance. While it might not appear much in full light, by the flickering of a campfire, these paintings would have appeared alive.
By some estimation, this could be considered the first ever recorded form of animation, and it's no wonder the Stone Monkeys were involved. Scholars attribute the paintings themselves to Neandertals, but given what we know about the Monkeys, it was very likely a collaboration.
Ancient Monkeys Drawing, a still from the National Geographic documentary: Primates Like Us, 1995
It is unknown who the Stone Monkeys existed to entertain before our hominid ancestors, but Anthropologists now believe that they were doing business and creating art even then. Biologists have identified a number of genes in the modern Stone Monkey descendents that they attribute to the overwhelming creativity of the species. It's not a large leap to theorize that the Stone Monkeys were perhaps only amusing themselves at the time. Frankly, it's entirely possible that this has been what it's been about the whole time: simply entertaining themselves.
It is difficult to track much further into prehistory, but our earliest ancestors seemed to worship the Celestial Apes. In one of the oldest recorded texts, it was said that the the Father of the Infinite, a great Stone Monkey, created the Earth, possibly the universe itself in only a week's time. Frankly that's just not that much time to actually create the laws of physics, but also to erase all evidence of it's own existence. Truly a being to be feared and worshiped, lest its rage undo creation.
Pictured: artist rendition of a Celestial Ape
Artist's rendering of the monkey strings, vibing
A new theory disrupting the science industry is that of the Monkey String, thought to be a fundamental building block of well, everything! Not unlike a chain of monkeys emerging from a barrel, so to does all matter spring forth from these incomprehensibly small, vibrating chains of monkeys. Hail the monkeys that bind us all, for they are the true matter of existence.